Graduation and more

 As one might expect in Covid times, my academic career (for the time being at least) has come to an end with what might be described as a fizzle. While there will be a graduation ceremony, I elected not to stay in Aberdeen to receive my degree, preferring to return to Italy to celebrate with loved ones. Somewhat amusing that I have managed to skip all possible graduation ceremonies one way or another. Part of me wants the closure that a graduation ceremony would bring. At the same time, I know that I would hate it the whole time. I want the idea of a graduation without all the waiting around and without being in the spotlight. For those who want to watch, there will be an online ceremony of some sort, which you can watch here on Monday, July 19^th  at 3 pm UK time, but I have no idea what it will be like.

The next step is, of course, job hunting. I enjoyed my graduation project immensely, and I am working on my programming skills to make myself as employable as possible in the cyber-security sector. My project (the department’s version of a thesis) was centered around a specific attack on an ElGamal elliptic curve cryptosystem. This attack is easily avoidable by setting up some checks along the way, but they need to be set up. If anyone wants to read it, I’d love to show it to you. There are a couple mistakes that didn’t get caught in the editing process, and more than a couple of things that I would like to expand on. Overall, I am satisfied with my work. As I have time, I’m continuing to do an unsupervised continuation to include some of the things I didn’t have time to explain fully.

While at university I have found words to describe myself and the way I experience the world. I’m genderfluid and asexual! I’m so happy to FINALLY have words and not feel like I’m wrong or should just ignore the feelings and hope they go away.

Genderfluid means that my gender and how I want to be perceived changes. My pronouns float a bit, but are primarily she/her and they/them, but I do go by he/him as well. They/them is never wrong. I now go by Florence-Edward, and I use the title Mx. (pronounced either emmex or mix).  So, my proper name is Mx. Florence-Edward Marie Hook. An example of how to use all of this information would be “I wrote a letter to Florence-Edward. The first time I wrote their address, I forgot that they go by Mx. Hook now so I had to get another envelope to correct it.” While I have yet to change my name to this legally, I’m eventually going to look into how to do this, especially given the rather complicated situation I have.

What happens when your photographer (thank you Ella!) makes you spin around to show off your cape.

Mandatory "graduate with the unicorn" graduation picture

Asexual just means that I’m not really attracted to anyone. I can still fall in love; I just don’t pass by people and go “they’re hot”. I spent a good number of nights wondering what sexual attraction was and if I felt it. I also worried that I was somehow weird or broken for it. While I may be in the minority for it, I’m not alone. While this may limit my romantic partners, I’m certain I don’t want to spend my life with somebody who doesn’t accept me for myself.

It’s so exciting to be able to put words to these vague bumbling feelings I have always had and have everything snap into focus. I feel like I have a good understanding of myself. While some people may ask how I recon my catholic beliefs with being LGBT+ twice over (which are stereotypically conflicting), the answer to me is exceedingly simple simple. God is love. God created us as varied beings, and loves us as he created us. I believe that he created me as genderfluid and ace (abbreviation of asexual), and that it is natural for me to live as I was myself. A creature created in God’s image.

Even with all the Covid mess and the unusual end to everything, I am immensely pleased with getting through university. I have made some very good friends, learned quite a bit about mathematics (and at the moment I’m not planning to shelf my academic interest in it forever), learned about myself, and I feel like I’ve done good things during my time here.

Stay safe.

Ciao,

Florence-Edward